2009 in Review (Best & Worst)

so, i have done this two years running, my favorite songs/albums, books, movies, and tv of the year.

boring blog, but hey, it lets me know what i may not remember.

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movies:

tough year for choices so i am doing a top 4 (or three, the first two are tied).

1. avatar
2. up
3. the princess and the frog (yep, deal)
4. star trek (great non-fan movie)

worst movie, easily, is transformers 2


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album, no list, obviously for me it is:

backspacer, pearl jam

song, also off backspacer, "just breathe" OR "get some".

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novels... top 10.

1. under the dome, king
2. jonathan strange and mr. norrel, clarke
3. the terror, simmons
4. drood, simmons
5. the strain, hogan/ del toro
6. the graveyard book, gaiman
7. the two towers, tolkien
8. prince of theives, hogan
9. oryx and crake, atwood
10. return of the king, tolkien

biggest disappointing novels:

1. death troopers, schreiber
2. the standoff, hogan
3. pygmy, palahniuk

surprise?


toss up between, the strain, oryx, or the graveyard book.


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short stories, top 3:

1. ur, king
2. the dream hunters, gaiman
3. creatures of the night, gaiman

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that's it, happy new year :)

oh, and tv, house or lost.

2010 (Hours Before)

you know, i don't know about 2010. things are going to go so terribly wrong i feel in about a week. everything is bound to that event, an event that will probably take part of my soul, my heart, maybe my mind.

yet, in truth, i also feel like it would, will, be a better year. maybe i can recover some things i lost, recover from things i gained.

who knows?

i will be blogging more, but haven't decided if on this blog or elsewhere. i really like the release the blogs give, the way i can vent without having to deal with immediate repercussions. so, yeah, more blogs.

more personal blogs too.

because it's a show ender:

Rockie, Your Mix

not the best, but hey...

i miss you, truly miss rockieforte.

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everyday, buddy holly (don't get the wrong idea, just love the song)
the man who sold the world, bowie
don't pray on me, bad religion
unthought known, pearl jam
unfinished, bnl
trouble, cat stevens
vice and virtues, dropkick murphy's
25 minutes to go, cash
porch, vedder solo
castaway, green day
ain't this the life, boingo
tender lumplings, boingo
drive, r.e.m
i'm so tired, beatles
last exit, pearl jam
all apologies, nirvana

2009 in Stories

everything i read this year.. best year ever for books. as with last year, this blog is for me.

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1.Cujo- Good-B

2.Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell-Great-A

3S.The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-Good-B+

4.The Fellowship of the Ring-Blah-C

5.The Two Towers- Great-A

6.The Return of the King-Very Good-A-

7.The Children of Hurin-Great-A

8.The Silmarillion-UNFINISHED

9.Diary of a Wimpy Kid- (4/20-4/21)-Good-B

10.Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 (4/21-4/22)-Good-B-

11.Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3 (4/22-4/23)-Ok-C+

12.Something Wicked This Was Comes (4/23-5/8)-Blah-D*

13.Of Mice and Men (5/8-5/9)-Great-A

14.Pygmy (5/9-5/15)-Good-B-

15.Outcast (5/15-5/18)-Great-A

16S.The Man Who Would Not Shake Hands (5/20)-Good-B-

17S.Beachworld (5/20)-Good-B

18S.The Reaper's Image (5/20)-Good-B+

19.The Terror (5/22-6/15)-Amazing-A+

20S.Mortality (6/5-6/6)-Good-B+

21S.Nona (6/16)-Very Good-A-

22S.Survivor's Type (6/16) -Good-B

23S.Uncle Otto's Truck (6/16)-Good-B+

24S.Morning Deliveries *Milkman #1)-(6/16)-Good-B

25S.Big Wheels: A Tale of the Laundry Game (Milkman #2)-(6/16)-Good-B+

26S.Gramma (6/17)-Great-A

27.The Pearl (6/17-6/18)-Great-A

28.Drood (6/18-7/10)-Amazing-A+

29NF.Silent Bob Speaks (6/27-7/4)-Good-B

30.Omen (7/11-7/13)-Good-B

31.Path of Destruction (7/13-7/21)-Good-B

32.Rule of Two (7/24-8/4)-Good-B+

33.Fragment (8/5-8/7)-Good-B+

34.The Strain (8/8-8/12)-Amazing-A+

35.Prince of Theives (8/15-8/22)-Great-A

36N.The Ballad of the Flexible Bullet (8/22-8/23)-Good-B

37S.The Reach (8/23)-Good-B

38S.Jerusalem's Lot (8/23-8/24)-Very Good-A-

39S.Graveyard Shift (8/24)-Good-B

40S.Night Surf (8/24)-Very Good-A-

41S.I Am the Doorway (8/24-8/25)-Good-B

42.Abyss (8/25-9/4)-Very Good-A-

43S.The Ladies of Grace Adieu (9/5-9/6)-Good-B-

44S.The Mangler (9/5-9/6)-Very Good-A-

45S.The Boogeyman (9/6)-Good-B-

46S.Gray Matter (9/7)-Ok-C

47S.Battlegorounds (9/8)-Ok-C+

48S.Trucks (9/10)-Good-B

49S.Sometimes They Come Back (9/9)-Good-B

50.The Standoff (9/12-10/6)-Good-B+

51S.The Ledge (10/6)-Good-B

52S.The Lawnmowerman (10/7)-Good-B-

53S.Strawberry Spring (10/6)-Ok-C+

54.Oryx and Crake (10/7-10/18)-Amazing-A+

55.I Am Legend (10/19-10/23)-Alright-C

56.Diary of a Wimpy Kid #4 (10/19-10/24)-Good-B

57.The Graveyard Book (10/24-10/27)-Amazing-A+

59.Stardust (10/27-11/01)-Good-B+

60.Death Troopers (11/02-11/06)-Alright-C+

61S.Premium Harmony (11/03)-Good-B

62G.Preludes & Nocturns (11/04-11/06)-Great-A

63.Coraline (11/05-11/07)-Very Good-B+

64N.The Dream Hunters (11/07-11/08)-Amazing-A+

65G.Violent Cases (11/07)-Very Good-B-

66G.Doll's House (11/07-11/09-Amazing-A+

67G.Marvel 1602 (11/09-11/12)-Very Good-B+

68.Under the Dome (11/13-12/04)-Amazing-A+

69G.The Comical Tragedy or the Tragical Comedy of Mr Punch (11/14-11/15)-Good-B-

70G.Superman for All Seasons (11/23-11/24)-Very Good-A

72G.Creatures of the Night (11/24)-Good-B+

73G.The Last Tempation (11/24-11/26)-Great-A

74G.Dream Country (11/26-11/28)-Alright-C+

75G.Seasons of Mist (12/04-12/07)-Great-A

76S.Quitter's Inc (12/07)-Very Good-B+

77.Odd and the Frost Giants (12/10)-Great-A

78.American Gods (12/10-

79N.Ur (12/27-12/30)-Amazing-A+

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American Gods is what i am reading now.

Trouble

Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And it's too much too much for me

Trouble
Oh trouble can't you see
You're eating my heart away
And there's nothing much left of me

I've drunk your wine
You have made your world mine
So won't you be fair
So won't you be fair

I don't want no more of you
So won't you be kind to me
Just let me go where
I'll have to go there

Trouble
Oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
and it's too much for me today

Trouble
Oh trouble can't you see
You have made me a wreck
Now won't you leave me in my misery

I've seen your eyes
and I can see death's disguise
Hangin' on me
Hangin' on me

I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see

Trouble
Oh trouble move from me
I have paid my debt
Now won't you leave me in my misery

Trouble
Oh trouble please be kind
I don't want no fight
And I haven't got a lot of time

-Cat Stevens

A Dream, a Note, and Dream Again

i'm sitting on the picnic table where we had our first real conversion. it's afternoon, near sunset, and everything is picturesque.

no, no.

no, not quite right. it's not picture-like, the scene seen through my dream, the "dreamscape", is nearly animated. it is perfect, but not quite real.

leaves are falling, slower than they would in real life, slower than i imagine would be possible in anything but in this dream. it's fall, and in my dream, it becomes dark super quickly.

too quickly.

it's dark now, early dark, and i look over the eastern horizon to see the yellow moon glowing behind the hazy autumn night.

harvest moon, i think in my dream.

---

i remember that first conversation, that first night i really talked to you, and knew that i was meant to meet you. meant to learn from you, to be friends, to be.

we talked about everything that we seemed we could, and everything seemed without limitation.

---

in my dream, i am sitting, watching.

watching maybe, the dreamscape is still night. still september.

and i hear your voice, you're quiet.

no, i think, just afraid.

but why? my dream-self thinks.

---

again, a sudden shift and the moon turns red. the blood moon, and it is october.

i realize that i am holding something in my hands, a book. i know, in my dream, where everything is heading. i am still sitting on the bench where we had our first real conversation more than two years before.

i look down at the books cover, and in my dream, i smile. it is harry potter and the half blood prince.

i look back up, and i feel the smile vanish, and know why your not there, in my dream i do at least.

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**
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rockie,

this is not a creepy dream or anything. no awkwardness, not that i intentionally put out there at least. i think, by how i felt as i woke is that you were just gone. that we didn't talk, or something happened, or something.

not sure exactly what.

i think, honestly, i feel... well, i am not sure how i feel.

---
**
---

i have been working on a poem called "dream again" for the last seven or so years. monday night i finished it, and feel, finally, as if i can truly come up with new ideas writing now.

that even though all the whispering voices from the dead that come from underneath my bed are here to stay, maybe they are meant to be heard.

because, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

it is evolutions cruelest joke.

Alice in Wonderland (2010- Post 2)

still no "real" blog although i do have a couple ideas. one for sure tomorrow morning or friday morning.

Leave Karma to Karma [Pry, To post]

"Anjin-san forget the village. A thousand million things can occur before those six months occur. A tidal wave or earthquake, or you get your ship and sail away, or Yabu dies, or we all die, or who knows? Leave the problems of God to God and karma to karma. Today you're here, and nothing you can do will change that. Today you're alive and here and honored, and blessed with good fortune. Look at this sunset, it's beautiful, neh? This sunset exists. Tomorrow does not exist. There is only now. Please look. It's so beautiful and it will never happen ever again, never, not this sunset, never in all infinity. Lose yourself in it... and do not worry about karma, yours [or mine.]"


-Excerpt from James Clavell's Shogun

Top of the World [Pry, To]

a few days ago. maybe a day or two after the rain had ended. had washed the streets. the sky. everything. i was driving home down brea blvd, and i saw the hills, that most of the year round are brownish-green. dieing, i guess. and i noticed how green the hill looked.

how alive.

i was looking at the hills, and i came to the stoplight near choice burgers. and i looked out my window. up at the sky, and i saw what remained of the storm that had cleaned what seemed like the world. then i looked at the hills again, the light turned green, but the light it gave off wasn'talive. it wasn't like the hills were. then i noticed the mountains behind. miles away.

miles away.

and i felt small. looking at these monumental outcroppings of the world, i felt so minuscule. but alive.

then i started thinking what it would be like to go to the peaks of those mountains. or even the top of the hill and look down at everything. look down at brea.

look down upon the world, and thinking this, i knew that would make me feel even more alive then i did at that moment.

alive.

rambling again.

Without Pause [Pry, To]

if i had known then

what i know now...


---


act like you care.


seriously, it'll help us both get through this.


---


a few days ago, months, years, it's all the same now.


then and later.


now and later. ha.


we're sitting on this bench and you look at me, say, "tell him?"


"what?" i say.


like i don't know.


---


hey, look at this. time goes by, and i'm talking to the future.


future. let these waves dissolve away my past.


this is. this is.


---


all these surreal posts, it's how i think. a mile a minute.


confused images in black and white but brilliant with color.


fuck it, i think i'm a little insane.


but it's what makes me sane.


---


"what?" i say.


like i don't know.


suicide is not something contemplated to forget.


now or later.


now and later. ha.


---


i'm walking and these waves are running over my feet.


fall back. breath.


float away.


hey, we all float down here.


---


light years pass. it's days and days and i still haven't told the person i trust most. but that conversation i am having. it's all in my mind. park benches built with a shattered imagination.


it's what i was supposed to tell you.


never found the time.


nerve.


too late now.


---


waiting by the side of the road, i'm looking up and the rain is falling.


falling.


and i wonder exactly what is the meaning of free.


---


all these thoughts. jumbled.


confused. broken.


trying to sort through this mess of broken memories. hearts.


rules, hearts.


promises are not so serious.


---


i look over and she is lying next to me.


sleeping (one more day in hell).


i wonder, (hail, hail) are the lucky ones the ones in love?


---


what the fuck images back black to white.


white to black.


---


if i had known then
what i know now


---


hey, no one understands
i don't need no one to understand
you just don't understand.


---


understand.


being alive is only being conscience to remember it.


little voices telling you.


telling you.


telling.


---


don't you wish.


wish.


hey, i've got a feeling.


a feeling deep inside.


i feeling i can't hide.


whoa, no.


---


hey, it's okay.


don't you know.


it's okay.


whoa, everything is going to be okay.


---


these are thoughts.


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thoughts.


thoughts.


thoughts.


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to fix my broken soul (again).