"Undefinable"

one of the options for my critical thinking final was to write a research paper on what "true love" is. at first i thought that this essay would be a breeze. after all, how hard can it be to push out a paper on something i have written on four or five times in an academic setting?

then i sat down, started to type, and churned out a rough outline and introduction. i read it, reread it, analysed, cut, added.

all of this to just a single paragraph and jotted down nonsensical ideas.

then i took it to class, and realized that i had written it in a way that closely resembled my fiction voice. it read almost like a short story, giving cliched views on what love is. a hand held, a stolen kiss in the rain.whatever.

it was a fucking joke. the one paragraph was just a romance movie reel.

it was, in short, fiction. a fictitious view that i couldn't believe i had written. not because it was bad, i didn't really think that, but it was really my view on love.

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i look at love in a variety of ways, not many that are really conventional. for instance, i don't believe that we only have one "true love".

i think that we all have the person we are destined to be with, and the person we can't have. can't have for so many reasons. commitments, children, jobs, friendships. whatever.

i also don't believe many people are in love, and that for many people "in love" passion drives lives. or monetary positioning.

something meaningless.

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best symbol of love?

best way you can express love to someone? i really thing hand holding does it more than anything else.

kissing, sex, gifts.in truth, that all is just more.

simply, i think holding someones hand is love.

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i love.

i always give off this vibe that maybe i don't believe in it that much, that i just have a devil may care attitude towards it. but the truth is, the truth is, i know i've been in love. i know what love is.

i've felt it.

i've been it.

i've held its hand.

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you listen to songs, you see movies, you read books. all of these mediums speak of love. speak of a word that just is used as a selling point.

selling point, because too many depict some perfect bliss.

some perfect love.

i don't believe in perfect love. it's supposed to have it's faults. your partners are supposed to stumble, to hate you a little, to love you more, to run away, come back, eat and sleep alone after a fight.

say, "fuck you."

say, "goodbye."

it needs everything.

it needs to live humanly before it's love.

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again, i believe in love. i just don't believe in the word being defined in any way.

it is undefinable.

a voice. a god. lifelike and deathlike in just how unknown it is.

full of sadness and misery, but always there to make you into a better person.

it's all we need, and it's all we can hope for.

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time: 20:14 :/
i hate this post.

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[edit: fixed spelling mistakes... 6/7]